回到火星的第二天

今天虽然和陈家两位姐妹去了Garden of the bay玩了一整天，但是心里无时无刻都在想着阿母。我是多么的希望当我的手机震动时，我拿起来看到的会是阿母传来的简讯... 但结果我还是失望...

打从昨天下午到了今天阿母都没有传简讯给我。甚至我早上一起床就打给她，结果她不是不听就是一听到了我的声音，便马上把电话挂上！当下的我整颗心都碎了...

过了不久后阿母传了个简讯来... 她说叫我暂时不要找她，等她平静了下来就自然的会找我。这时我的心又感觉被刀插了一下...

我不停的反复的问自己，我到底做错了什么？为什么她要这样子对待我？难道就只因为我说的那些话？为什么她总是那么的敏感，老爱把所有的事给想成令一边去？我根本就没有其它的意思！！如果我真不想要帮她的话，我干嘛一口就答应她呢？这么久以来每当她开口需要帮忙时，我都一定尽自己的能力帮到底！我做了这些到底是为了什么？！

阿母到底在想什么？我真的很伤心也很失望。我也试着传了好几次简讯给了她，但她就是这么的狠心不回我。

她之前也原本跟我说好要和我一起去GOTB逛，但结果还是没去成。虽然很失望，但我了解也不怪她。我唯一很在意的就是她并没有遵守她答应过我的要陪我去牙医拆牙套。我深深的明白她的难处，但就连她原本说好不陪我看牙医，但会陪我吃晚餐也没也没做到！！

为什么要答应我呢？为什么一开始就要对我好？疼爱我和开导我？在我感到很彷徨和失落的时候，给了我无尽的爱和关怀，填满了我的空虚和希望，现在却又这样的对我！为什么？我真的不明白！！

豆也是这样！一开始就对我很好，很疼我！忽然之间却又对我的态度冷淡！我到底做了错了什么？母常说豆很害怕对身边的人太好，因为到后来他们会离开他或发生意外。我倒觉得我才是那位不幸的！凡是疼爱我和对我好的人，到最后还是会突然之间不再疼爱我了！

没有人能够感觉到我的悲伤。虽然我脸上带着笑容... 晚上以泪洗脸...

































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02/05/11

Ytd morning when I woke up and picked up mummy's morning call, I was totally mute! I was forcing myself to talk with my full energy! I did not expect that I would be in this state on saturday after work, I was still thinking that I was ok, just some minor sore throat due to the weather is bad.

I've decided to take mc, but I was also headache where to see doctor, as most of the clinics are closed on Sunday n public holiday. At last mummy brought me to her house there and see. It was a 24hrs clinic, and the charger was damn ex!!
The consultant fee is $38, plus the medicine and GST total cost me $78!!! My pocket really torn a big hole immediately when I got my salary on the first day!

After that mummy brought me to the market and have lunch. I really wanted to talk to her, and I have plently of word to talk to her! But I just could not talk! Really very fed up!!

I nearly could not take it when I was home by taking cab. My head was suddenly so heavily and pain! I guess it must be the fever attacked me! I took a nap after settle down.

When I woke up, I was still very blur and uncomfortable. Suddenly felt that very empty and lonely. Mummy's sms comforted me. I was really very touching when mummy sms me and apologize to me that she can't be at my side and look after me... There was once When brandon fell sick, i ever question her before will she look after me and cook for me when I fall sick? My heart was melted and I felt so warm at the moment... How I wish she was beside me? I know how she feel? She feel bad also... But I'm okay, I'll be strong! Don't wanna make her worry.

Mummy have been telling me that daodao's character are like this. And he also treat Brandon the same. As for me, I am really ok! Although I really feel very hurt sometime and puzzle. Cos after all I am still not their biological daughter. I am very happy when I heard mummy said daodao n brandon was in the good term nowadays. And this is wad I really wish to see! I want them to be happy! But I really feel very disappointed when daodao don't even send me a sms and ask me how am I...? Silly me still waiting for his sms...

Happy gathering with my family and had a big feast at restaurant today!! Although I was still in the blur state. Lols! How I wish that we can be together?

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At last the stock take was already over!! Hooray...!! And I did not do the scanning anymore like what I used to do when I was a part timer! After finished scanning the stock, I straight go home!!! The next thing which I am looking forward is the zoo trip with mummy on Tuesday! Hopefully this time round really can make it! I am really looking forward for it!! After this will be our universal trip on ur birthday! By then I wanna give u a surprise... I wanna make and show u my promise...

Lou Dao just now packed food for me, and he purposely drive all the way to USQ to pass the food to me than go n fetch mummy. I was very happy and really never thought that this could be happen on me. I thought all this will only happen on him only, and it was ought to be happen on him. I'm so silly... But I am really very happy... Really... Finally there are kins who are truly love and care of me to be always there for me... I'm grateful n thankful...

I have been two days nv get to see mummy already... How come I will feel like very long time time nv get to see her already?

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Mummy, I've already finished the first bottle of the evening primrose oil ytd! Today started to take the second bottle! I've been trying to maintain my daily meals regularly in order to put on weight. Don't wanna fail u! ;) Lets see whether I can from 47kg jump to 50 kg within the period while I am still taking the pill ok! And u pls pls pls faster get well soon! Don't ever be so clumsy and careless again! Or else my heart can really jump out from my body!

I feel sooo lazy now whenever I think of tidying my room and bath for my dog :( Now I am laying on my Mum's bed resting... I feel like talking to mummy on the phone, I miss her... Wanna see her and listen to her voice...

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At last today have finally fulfill what was supposed to do on Thursday! One stone killed more than two birds! I am very happy and contented! Hehe!

This morning mummy bought me the breakfast and waited for me at the macdonald. We went to tpy after that. She bought the vegetarian food from the food court for "ah gong". After this, she brought me to the temple at geylang to pray "ah gong".

This is my officially first time meet "ah gong". I am very happy and nervous! Last thursday failed to go and pray him, I was actually quite disappointed. And this explained why I keep insisting to follow mummy this morning. Secondly, I was worried of letting mummy to go alone due to she have injuried her right eye on last saturday.

After be with mummy for this while, I shld have pay my respect to "ah gong" long time ago, since I've already also visited and pay my respect to ah ma. I feel so relieved and happy now! Got to let "ah gong" see me and know my existing. The only regret that I have which is if only I get to know mummy earlier a little bit, I'll be able to get to see "ah gong" when he was still alived....

It has been quite sometime since I last saw ah ma. I wonder how's she? Actually supposed to go to ah ma's house after this, but plan changed due to she was not at home, and will be home late. I really hope to visit her on my coming off day with mummy.

We went for movie at amk hub in the afternoon. We managed to get the "special seat", which was no gap in between the seat, and it was a two person seat. In the middle of the movie, Mummy and I was nearly get frozen in the cinema! Lols! I took my cardigan to wrap over mummy and hold her hand. Wanna keep her warm and soundly. She was just like a little mummy to me, I just can't help and stop myself from loving and protecting her. Especially this few days when she injured her right eye, I am even more want to look after her. I can't stand her clumsy and careless, always knock here and there, in the end get hurt of herself. Worse is I can't be there 24 hrs to look after her! And when she told me that she had injuried her eye and wanted to go to the hospital that day, I could not even accompany her! I am no longer like last time when I still worked as a part timer, can leave whenever I want. This is what make me feel worse! My heart can only rest when I get to see u are safe. Pls get well soon!!! Love u

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Why always seem to be so near yet so far, and so far yet to be so near? Is it just becos of I m not produce by u? Due to this reason I am totally lost, and I know myself very well. Even though sometime u all have been trying very hard to do well, but yet the feeling is still occur in my heart. I can't get rid of this feeling, it's really torturing me sometime. I can't say out either... Even though the praying celebration incident happened earlier on.

No matter wad... I will always persist wad I want and wad I've said to u. And one fine day I will make it become reality, not just the word flow with the wind.

Just now when I was on the way home waiting for the bus at the bus interchange, I saw a girl with only one leg and was holding the crutches. When she wanted to aboard the bus, unfortunately she accidently dropped her ezlink card onto the drain. Luckily there was two kind young lady and a man helping her to pick up the ezlink card. This make me believe tt there are truly kind ppl existing in this world.

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Today is a pleasure day with mummy and dao dao. I met mummy at tpy after her training at raffles. We had went for coffee and bread at ya kun while waiting for daodao to fetch us for lunch. I accompanied mummy to do some enquiry of purchasing new flat at the hdb hub.

I know mummy have been wanted to have her own house all along. I truly hope that her wish will be fulfil in someday. After Dao dao fetched us, we went to tpy lor long 4 to have the chicken rice. After that we went for movie at amk hub. At the beginning of the movie, I admit
tt I was sleepy, and I fell asleep on mummy's shoulder soundly and peacefully. I did enjoyed the centre and ending parts, especially the fighting scenes.

Dao dao brought us to mandai there to feed the stray dogs after the movie. We feed them some biscults and snacks. I felt so pain and upset for the dogs, they are so pitiful. One of the dog neck was even injured! They were so fear when we walked near them! Seem
like they were being beaten up by those ppl who walk passed there oftenly! All these ppl are
really bastard! Damn them!

I always feel very happy and contented when I was with u all. U all always make me feel so happiness just like last time when I was with my family. In fact in my heart, I've already taken u all as my family. Wanted to be with u all now n forever. Gonna look after u all when u all are old together with my dad n mum. This will be my future task.

I really could not imagine wad if ur baby really saw us together last time in the train? I am really very scare tt the same thing will be happen again! I hate to see him treat u like this! It's really piss me off! At the same time I also feel very dilemna n terrible! After all I am just the "ai ya"... I dun have the right and position to say or even angry of it. All this I can only keep it in my heart. How I always feel and think, nobody will ever know. It's all inside my heart...

I really got fed up just now when u n dao dao told me different thing through the s
sms. I dunno is it becos of dao dao dun want to sms with me already, tts y he would have told
me he was here or wad? At the other part I admit tt I am jealous n I also dun wanna make u all in the difficult position. Therefore I would have dun wanna disturb u all when he is ard.
Anyway... All this is already over... I will feel better after spelling all this out! No longer angry now! Looking forward for the next off day with u now.

How much I really wanted to kidnap u to be by my side, especially when he treat u in tt way...?